Looking for funny 70th birthday wishes? I am glad that your search has come to an end.

In this article, I have written for you some of the best happy funny 70th birthday wishes and messages for your loved ones.

Read: Blessing 70th Birthday Wishes

Funny 70th Birthday Wishes

Don’t let people say that you’re old. You’re only as old as the friends you still remember. Happy 70th birthday!

When we look in the mirror all we see are wrinkles, white hair, and sagging skin but a clean heart. Happy 70th birthday!

Happy 70th birthday! We know it’s a little later than usual, and we’re sorry, but this was the only card that made it here on time. We promise we’ll try harder next year.

Happy 70th birthday! You’re officially a “septuagenarian.” Just don’t let it go to your head.

Don’t let your age get you down. You still have the same taste in coffee, your car is in good shape, and you’re still married to the same guy. Happy 70th birthday!

Happy 70th birthday! You’re now officially old enough to start getting your news from the “senior edition” of the newspaper.

I know you don’t want a party right now. You just want to be alone with lots of Neosporin and Band-Aids. So, I’ll leave you alone. Happy 70th birthday!

Happy 70th birthday! You’re now officially old enough to start getting discounts on your movie tickets. Just don’t fall asleep during the film.

You really keep up with technology. You have the newest computer, tablet, and phone. But still can’t talk to Siri. Happy 70th Birthday!

Happy 70th birthday! We can officially admit that we’re not always the best at getting birthday cards to you on time. We promise that next year, we’ll do a better job.

Read: 70th Milestone Birthday Wishes

Funny 70th Birthday Messages

Happy 70th birthday! We know we probably should have gotten you something better than a cake and a card, but we wanted to send you something right away.

Happy 70th birthday! You’re officially a senior citizen, which means you can finally start using the “senior discount” at your local fast food joint.

Happy 70th birthday! I know you don’t like to say that you love your age. But I am happy to say that I do, and I love you just the same.

Happy 70th birthday! You’re now officially old enough to start collecting Social Security. Let the good times roll!

Happy birthday, you don’t look 70. You’re just some young guy with white hair, a long beard, and a lot of life experience.

Happy 70th birthday! You’re now officially in the “golden years.” Just remember, the only thing that’s not golden about them is your memory.

Happy 70th birthday! You’re now officially old enough to start using the “senior citizen” parking spots. Just remember to watch out for those pesky teenagers.

Happy 70th birthday! You’re officially old enough to start getting discounts on your cemetery plot. Just kidding… hopefully.

Funny 70th Birthday Quotes for Friend

It’s your 70th birthday and you’re still chasing after a woman. That’s bad but not as bad as the day she says yes. Happy Birthday!

I don’t know if it’s just me, but it seems like every day I’m getting older and my friends are staying the same age. Happy 70th Birthday!

I hope your big day is the best day ever. If it’s not, don’t worry. You’ll make it better when you’re 71! Happy 70th birthday to my crime partner!

Please don’t retire because you’re old. Retire because you’re good. Happy birthday to this old fog!

I’m not trying to be ageist but you’re starting to look like a 60-year-old man. But all the same, that’s your age. Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to you on your 70th birth year! We know you love your spouse because they’re the only person who could’ve put up with you this long!

Funny 70th Birthday Wishes for Husband

The best thing about being married to you is that I get to be annoyed every day and I know that I will still be annoyed even when we are old, gray, and wrinkled! Happy 70th birthday, husband!

The only thing better than having a man like you by my side for all eternity is having a lifetime supply of whisky! Happy 70th birthday my love!

At 70, your hair looks like you had it cut by the same barber who cuts mine. Happy 70th birthday to my bald man!

Happy 70th birthday from the woman who endures your fart every night and still loves you.

Your 70th birthday is a perfect time to remind you that if human beings get hotter with every passing year, you could be fired. Happy 70th Birthday, Sweetheart!

Happy 70th birthday hubby! I know I’m responsible for all your pain, but it’s the perfect time to apologize because I don’t have the energy to fight anymore.

Funny 70th Birthday Wishes for Sister

You’re not too old to get away from your troubles, but sometimes they’re too old to run after us! Happy 70th Birthday sis!

You are not old, but you’re not young either, so I’m going to wish you the best of both worlds! Happy 70th birthday my sister!

You are old enough to know better but young enough to get away with it. Happy 70th birthday sis!

You are getting older, but you haven’t lost your sense of humor and your ability to laugh at yourself. That’s the best part of growing older! Happy 70th birthday sis!

Life is not a dress rehearsal, so better enjoy this 70th birthday now while you can. Happy 70th birthday to my wonderful sister!

70’s rock and roll, but you can’t sing or dance to it. Happy 70th birthday sis!

Funny 70th Birthday Wishes for Brother

Happy 70th birthday bro, I thought I would manage to put all the candles on the cake but I quickly run out of space.

Happy birthday to my Brother! Research shows that brothers who have more birthdays live longer. Enjoy your 7th decade under the sun!

At 70, you have seen it all and attempted it all but you cannot remember it all. Have a wonderful 70th birthday bro!

Keep calm bro, you are not 70; you are 13 with 57 years of experience. Happy 70th Birthday!

Inside every 70-year-old is 18 years old wondering what the hell is happening. Happy birthday to my brother!

Driving faster than your age is now officially illegal! But you can still enjoy your day at 70 miles per hour. Happy Birthday to this awesome old fog!

I hope after reading this article you have found some of the best funny 70th birthday wishes and messages that you can send to your loved ones.